Spending the holidays single is miserable experience. It is worse than miserable, it is just plain torture. People are in a chipper mood, filled with the excitement of decorating for the season, overjoyed to bake for friends and family, even so grateful that they give back to the community by donating their time at a shelter or collecting toys for children. And then there is you. Forced to revisit life decisions that has put you in the place of why you are single and enjoying a little too much eggnog in your feetie pajamas, while watching National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation over and over again, alone. Forced to think about the fact that you are creatively decorating a Christmas card for your dog, because honestly who else do you have to make a present for. Forced to spend time with your family that ask you questions like, "When will you find a decent guy?" "Why won't you date that cute boy from high school with the bad acne, at least he is rich?" "You know you aren't getting any younger, why don't you try out a dating website?" All while asking yourself, "Where is that unlimited supply of wine?"
What happens when the holidays make you take two steps back for him? You have pushed yourself forward so far, but in these weak moments, it can sometimes feel like you have lost all the power that you were beginning to regain. In moments like these, you have to look at how far you have come. You can not compromise the "thought" of what "could be" and how the holidays "should be" with him, verses what it is really like right now. Yes, he might have taken the big step to take you to meet his family and spend time with them over the big holiday. Yes, he may have gotten you something very nice and something you would have loved. Yes, he may have told you he loved you and kissed you under the mistletoe. The real question is, what would have happened after the holidays were all said and done? The same exact thing that happened before the holidays; It would have ended. At least before the holidays you get to save some money on presents you would have bought and the extra booze it would take for you to feel better that you broke up after you had given him all the presents that you had spent a fortune on. If it was meant to be it would be, but right now it is broken. You can not let it keep damaging you and taking you back to where you were before.
What if you hear from him? Majority of the time if you do hear from him, he is just as lonely as you are. It still doesn't change what you two are. It was Thanksgiving when I heard from my weakness. Trust me, it was not easy. First reaction, throw my phone at a wall and drive over to his house to scream in his face. Reality, blast music as loud as I could and text a friend about what had just happened. It had been two weeks since he had tried to contact me and we had ended it. It was Thanksgiving and now of all days you decide it is good enough to spend some time on someone other than himself. I was no longer thankful to hear from him, but I found myself in a venerable place where I felt I had to text him back. It was the holiday and I didn't want to look like a bitter person by not saying a word. He started having a conversation with me like nothing had happened between us and suggested that we should meet in person to discuss things soon, I tried to drag it on longer than it should because I thought maybe he would see he missed me, but then I was the one left in the dust the past couple days hearing nothing from him as always. It took me a few days, a trip to New York City and some friends to rationalize my senses that I didn't lose my edge by talking to him. I shouldn't feel embarrassed as I did for compromising and letting myself talk to him more than I should have. I didn't hand over my gumption and say that I am the same person that will buckle like I did before. Yes, I shouldn't have answered my phone when I did, but it was just a test. The holidays will test you and moments like this will test you, but life is one giant test. You have to keep pressing on and moving forward in order to get your gumption back and to stay strong.
Repeat Song of the Week:
"Wrecking Ball" - Miley Cyrus. I know right now what you are thinking. "Are you actually suggesting that I listen to a Miley Cyrus song?!" Don't listen to it if you don't want to, that is fine. All I am saying is read through the lyrics. It is impressive how much you can relate to the girl just with a song; Plus it is motivational to rock out to it in the mirror with a hairbrush.
Repeat Movie of the Month:
The Holiday - Kate Winslet, Cameron Diaz, Jack Black and Jude Law.
Kate Winslet is the absolute best in this movie! Kate's character, Iris, and my relationship are very similar in oh so many ways, which just adds to the reason why she is a perfect character to emulate. It is motivational to watch the way that "Iris" overcomes her breakup with "Jasper" and regains her gumption; It is something that every woman needs to see, single or taken. It is a very motivational and powerful moment where everything clicks and she realizes that she can stand on her own.
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